I have decided: There TRULY is nothing worse than a sick infant. Not knowing what hurts, why they're crying... their inability to communicate how they feel. Not knowing if a grunt is about to be a major blow out, or a massive reflux spit up... and preparing damage control for both! I've been puked on AND pooped AT. Yes, the poop was projectile. He's hacked up mucous on my chest. I've picked pink eye goop out of his eye. It's just a sad, sad story to watch a little one suffer when they can't understand why. It breaks my heart to hold him while he whimpers in pain, or screams for some unknown reason (to me) and know that I can't do anything to fix it. I couldn't take away his cough. I can't prevent the reflux (although we started prevacid today.) I can't take his ear infections away any faster than the amoxicillin, but oh what I wouldn't give to take all of his sickness on myself. I hate that he has had such a rough start to his life. I just want the best for him. I want him to be happy and comfortable and trust that I won't let him experience any pain. But, yet again, I've realized, that's not what God does for us. He doesn't make our life easy, comfortable, or without pain. I'm not saying that Bekham is going to LEARN something from these "trials." That would be ridiculous. What I'm saying, is I have another perspective of what it feels like for God to watch us go through pains and aches (whether physical or emotional). He can't take them away (rather, he sometimes chooses not to take them away), but he can offer comfort and peace through those times. That's my role for Bekham. Comfort him, hold him while he cries until it passes, and he loves me and trusts me in the end. Just as our trials draw us closer to the Lord, I feel like Bekham's issues are drawing him closer to me and building the trust that I do love him and am there for him when he needs me- unconditionally.
All that said, if you are reading this in hopes of getting pregnant, I suggest aiming for a spring/summer baby to avoid the plague of winter bugs! You just don't want this for you baby! There was a point this week where I just held him and cried silent tears. I knew his tummy hurt or he had heartburn, but I couldn't make him spit up or do whatever he needed to ease the pain. It was heart wrenching for me. I hated it. I'm sure I'll be a disaster when he gets his first shots this month. Lord help me. Literally.
In other news, we are well into working on the milestones of month number 2! Bekham continues to talk, smile, coo and even squeal when he gets really excited. He is VERY close to rolling himself over. He's got the leg part down, but the shoulder has yet to coordinate and follow :) It's funny to me. He can definitely coordinate his arm and legs to kick or hit toys above his head. I love it! While he does love his toys, he loves people more. He'd rather talk to me which I am perfectly okay with! He is already in and outgrowing his 3 month clothes. They need to re-size these things. I don't feel like they ever accurately fit the age they say they do. There's no way Bekham will be in these clothes when he is 3 months. Sad. Some of my most favorite outfits are size 3 months. I have started tracking his sleep/nap patterns and there are definitely consistencies which I am happy about. I do believe he could nap a little longer during the day, but he doesn't! Generally we are averaging about 10 hours through the night (with 2-4 feedings somewhere in there) and then 3 hours during the day. This boy prefers cat-naps of about 30-40 minutes over a couple good 1.5-2 hours naps. Whatever keeps him happy. You can set your watch to my son during the day. He doesn't miss the 2 hours mark without crying for more food. Such a boy.
Well- not much else to report today, but I do have some pictures, as always! Hoping next blog reports a very healthy baby!
First of all, this face cracks me up, but so do his fingers! Look how long they are!
