Thursday, August 16, 2012

A Sleep Update... and More.

Did I leave you hanging or what!? First, let me say thank you for all of the prayers and support many of you offered us as we tried our first attempt at sleep training Bekham. Unfortunately I am here to report it was not successful. All was going well for a couple days- better than expected actually, and then he started crying longer and in a more panicked way than he ever had previously. We also got out of sync as we had to go to Church and then out to lunch and he had no sleep since he had woken up that morning at 7. When we finally got home he was miserable and I just wanted to hold him and rock him to sleep. He also started cutting his front 2 teeth. All of this culminated to the point where I couldn't handle the crying/screaming as it was going anywhere from 1-2 hours with no sleep at the end of it. We would just get him up, feed him, and then he would take a short nap while eating and be beside himself the rest of his "awake time." I do know that it can get worse before it gets better. I do know that I didn't give it "Long enough." And I do know that he eventually would stop pulling up on the crib and just collapse if I let him go long enough, but neither Nick nor I could keep up the fight.

On the flip side- he no longer requires that we bounce him on an excerise ball. I don't even have to rock him. I just give him his blankie and a pacifier and he is out in my arms in about a minute or less. So the routine of putting him down has drastically decreased. The naps are short again which really bums me out. However- the success story here is that he is no longer swaddled. At night time he is still eating 2-3 times a night. It's wearing on me but I am going to let this happen for another 3-4 months. Nick and I decided to give sleep training another try in November when Nick would be off work for the holiday and could help out more without being exhausted at work the next day.

So thats the update on sleep training. In other news, my cousin and his girlfriend were able to travel down for a long weekend and visit. I SO wish they lived closer. I find myself saying this EVERY time I see family. I just hate that the people I love most and want to share life with are so very far away from me and now my little boy. Bekham loved Alex and Leslie. We didn't do much besides hang out and eat :) But it was a great weekend nonetheless. We also have finally gotten back into the routine of going to Church for the first time since we were plagued with hand foot and mouth. It was refreshing. This Sunday we go to our orientation for Bekham's baby dedication which I TOTALLY spaced out somehow. Bekham is crawling and pulling up on everything in sight. He's pretty sturdy but I know the bumps and falls are inevitable at this time. Its still a fun stage. He is just so very proud of himself every time he stands up on his own. The kid could stand unassisted if he wanted to, but he hasn't quite figured that out yet! I'm guessing we will have a walker by his first birthday!

More good news, Bekham is eating EVERYTHING in sight (as long as I am eating it too.) He hasn't thrown up anything recently. Our last episode was with spicy hummus. My bad. He loves my mom's homemade bread. He loves cheese. He loves cheerios. He loves apples. He loves squash. He loves sweet potatoes. Note: none of this in baby food form. He prefers chunks of real food. He LOVES yogurt. If mama is eating it, Bekham feels the need to be eating it as well :)

Well, that's all I have time for as my cat napper is already awake (after 30 minutes!)

Friday, August 3, 2012

Sleep Training and My Heart is Breaking

I have one purpose for this blog and only one. DISTRACTION. Bekham has shown me some signs of readiness for sleep training. He refuses to let me rock him, bounce him, sway him to sleep. He started refusing swaddle and pacifier (which was always the magic touch). He started waking up some nights every 45 minutes and was inconsolable to go back to sleep where as he usually would just nurse to sleep. So, unfortunately, and against my will and better judgement, I have decided to let him cry himself to sleep. My heart is physically hurting and in pain as I currently listen to him scream upstairs. This is the fourth go. Last night went pretty well with almost NO full fledge screaming. Today's first nap took 50 minutes of crying/whimpering/fussing before he passed out bent over from sitting up. The second nap took 30 minutes (more screaming involved in this one), same sleep position. Unfortunately, both of those naps only ended up being about 40 minutes each so he is absolutely exhausted. So, here we are, shooting for one more little nap before bed time. 15 minutes in and this one is the worst of the 4. He is standing up on crib and just wailing. It is against every instinct I have not to rush up there and scoop him up. But the worst thing is- if i do that- he doesn't settle down or fall asleep. So its really lose-lose. Either I get frustrated and clawed to death in the process of holding him, or physically feel my heart break while he screams upstairs all by himself.

Everyone says this is the way to go. I'm not convinced yet. I'll give it 5 days. And not one day more. Maybe I'll have a success story to post by then, and maybe not. I'm just so sad for him and sad for me. Sad that the days of rocking and holding my sleeping baby are over. Sad that he wakes up now screaming and scared instead of cooing and happy. I'm praying this is whats best for him. I do know with 100% certainty it is not a selfish decision for me. I'm not trying to get more "me-time," or more sleep, or more freedom. Selfishly, I want to be up there with him. I'm trying to view this as a sacrifice for his good and as one of the first hard parenting decisions of many to come.

I. HATE. THIS.