He Fails Us Not

So, recently, I had a health scare that turned out to be the epitome of a hypochondriac experience. To save us all time: it was a blood blister, NOT a mole. There have been few times in my life that I felt as stupid as I did in my dermatologist's office. However, in the days leading up to the appointment, when uncertainty and fear were creeping in on me, it was one of those times where you get a reality check on exactly where you are spiritually. Some weaknesses in my faith were exposed which was unsettling, but I'm thankful for that. I now know where I need to grow the most. One of my closest friends encouraged me to download a song called "You fail us not." If you haven't heard it, or don't know it, I strongly encourage you to download it as well. It may just be my new life anthem. Here are the words for those of you that don't want to spend the $0.99. Bold, underlining, and italicizing are my doing. I LOVE these lyrics.

Failure doesn't phase you.
Worry doesn't win.
Lost doesn't leave you afraid to start again.
Our sin doesn't shock you.
Our shame doesn't shame you at all.
Mistakes do not move you.
Terror doesn't tame.
Death doesn't doom you to life in the grave.
Our suffering doesn't scare you.
Our secrets won't surprise you at all.
At all.

There is nothing above you.
There is nothing beyond you.
There is nothing that you can't do.
There is no one beside you.
There is no one that's like you.
There is nothing that you can't do.
Whatever will come, we'll rise above.
You fail us not, You fail us not.
No matter the war, our hope is secure.
You fail us not, You fail us not.
You fail us not.

Hatred doesn't hide you.
Evil doesn't ail.
Despair can't disguise you and tell you that you fail.
Our doubt doesn't daunt you.
Our darkness won't defeat you at all.
At all.

You’re bigger than the battle,
You are bigger than the battle
You are bigger than the battle has ever been

A couple days ago, these words applied to my fear of a cancerous mole. Today they apply to the task of parenthood. Today, the lyrics that hit home most are failure doesn't fail you, and, mistakes do not move you. I can't count how many times in the past year I have felt like a failure as a mom or felt that I've already made so many mistakes in raising Bekham. I am so thankful that God truly does NOT fail us. He is truly bigger than the battle. Bigger than the mundane tasks of "no no" or "don't touch." There is a definite battle we all fight against sin nature. But there's a double battle when you, having sin nature inside of you, are battling the sin nature of your child. WOW. THANK YOU LORD that you are bigger than the battle. As I say "no no" literally one hundred times a day, I find my patience wearing thin and my tone of voice getting more stern and the volume a little more elevated. And there it is. My sin nature. My impatience surfacing. My frustration surfacing. And I watch myself parent in ways that disappoint me. Why can't I keep my cool? Why do I get so tired of moving Bekham away from the DVD player, the trash can, the road, etc.? Why can't I find joy in these moments?

Don't get me wrong- I do find joy in watching him explore and learn boundaries at the same time. BUT- I do not find joy in saying "no" and relocating him time and time again. I feel like I'm getting nowhere! But God doesn't fail us. I am doing a great work and I cannot come down. I know this role of motherhood is exactly where He wants me and has me for a reason. This song is what I needed. I can make mistakes. I can fail. Because I have a Savior who won't make mistakes and won't fail. He is the only one that can help me fight the battle. As small or as big as it may seem to me.