HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY BEKHAM SHARP!

Dear my November baby,

You are one year old as of 4:22am this morning. ONE. YEAR. OLD! It is just completely unbelievable how much you've grown and changed right before our eyes. I can still remember thinking you would never learn to crawl because you HATED tummy time. Not only did you crawl, but you've been walking a good month and a half before your birthday. That's nuts little boy! Your daddy and I love you more than you could ever possibly know and it seems like somehow we fall more in love with you each day. And I don't honestly know how that could be possible. Each tooth you grow makes your smile and laugh cuter. Each word you utter makes me melt. I love when you hold my hand going up or down stairs, or just when encountering rough terrain. I love when I ask for a hug and you run right into my arms. I love when you walk around doing the indian thing with your mouth and hand. I love when you lay your head on my shoulder when I rock you for naps. I love watching you explore and climb. Climb on EVERYTHING. I love when you throw your ball to me or place a toy in my hand, or share your food with me. Its the sweetest thing I've ever experienced. You bring me so much joy. You break me out of my shell and NO ONE has been able to do that. We play outside ALL the time (I'm a home body). We get messy and dirty (I'm a neat freak). We play in the sand when we go to the beach (I'm a pool person). I do a 20 minute DVD workout (I used to be at the gym for at least an hour). There are so many things you are changing about me and I love it. You are helping me let go of otherwise silly hang ups that I had for too long.

Bekham, you can't possibly remember your first year. If you do now, you won't by the time you are reading this. So let me ensure you that you know some things. You are DEARLY loved by many. MANY. So many people ask about you, visit you, enjoy you, enjoy seeing pictures of you. You love just being outside. You can be in the middle of an all out fit, crying tantrum, you name it. But the minute we step foot outside... its like you are a different kid. Its quite entertaining. You love to BANG on everything WITH everything. In fact, we often have to say, "Bekham, no bang bang!"

Of all the things I will remember about your first year (the lack of sleep being engrained in my memory)- I think I will remember most your roaring habit. It is by far and away the most unique thing you do. It's how you get people's attention and I love it. LOVE IT.

I'm so ready to see how much you accomplish in your second year of life. I hope you learn to like reading stories soon because we have lots to read together! I hope that you learn to say "mama." I'm still anxiously awaiting that moment in time! I hope you learn to like Waumba Land (or any similar setting).

We just finished celebrating your birthday tonight. Grammie and Grampie came bearing balloons and gifts to have dinner and watch YOU eat cake. Funny thing is, of all the presents you got, you only wanted the broom that I picked out for you. A little light weight broom. You didn't let go of it unless Grampie stole it! You made is laugh baby. You stole the show tonight! I love you more than words red head! Can't wait to celebrate some more this weekend!!!

Coming up on a Year.

As Nick and I played with Bekham in his room tonight, we were discussing the ridiculousness that is our child's sleep habits. Or lack of sleep habits. We are one week away from celebrating his birthday, and this child STILL doesn't sleep through the night! I remember thinking, okay, we are at 6 weeks, maybe we are close to the big milestone! Then came 3 months ... maybe this is it! Okay, maybe when he sits up on his own he'll figure this sleep thing out. Okay, maybe once he's crawling and walking. Okay, maybe when he's one? Okay, maybe never. Yes, we have been dealing with croup over here, but this child is waking up sometimes 4 or 5 times a night. Yeah, we have good nights here and there, but a good night is 1 or 2 times in the middle of the night. For 52 weeks my friends. For 365 days. We have not slept through the night. All of you who are reading this before having children. ENJOY. THE. SLEEP.

I actually just read my post from this time last year. I was desperately pleading for Bekham to be born. I was miserable and sick of the waiting. Dear self 1 year ago, stop blogging and go enjoy uninterrupted naps and night time sleeps. Ah well... everyone warned me! I didn't want to hear it! As frustrating as it is, there is still sometime precious about cuddling and snuggling with this baby/toddler in the middle of the night. I selfishly have moments of not wanting him to grow out of it. Then he wakes up 30 minutes later and I take it all back :)

Enough babble. Bekham is almost ONE YEAR OLD! I'm not going to sit here and say, "WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?" or ... "IT FEELS LIKE YESTERDAY WHEN..." No friends. It doesn't feel like that to me. The past year has been incredibly trying. It has had many many highs, but it has had many MANY lows. Bekham turning one is a celebration indeed because I honestly wondered if i would make it. Would he still be breastfeeding? Praise the Lord, I was able to exclusively nurse for an entire year. Anyone who knew me during the first 3 weeks of Bekham's life knows how huge this is. Would he be napping? Praise the Lord again, Bekham does reliably take a good 1 and a half hour nap in the mornings. Afternoons are iffy, BUT, the morning is generally a guarantee! Would he be eating/keeping food down? Thankfully, yes! This child eats just like his mama and his daddy. A LOT. He loves food! Would he be walking? Yes. Talking? Yes (in his own language, but yes.) Would I still be working with my sanity in tact? YES.

God has blessed us beyond belief with this little boy. He brings so much laughter and joy into this home. Not that it was lacking, but you know what I mean. Right now he does this indian thing where he covers and uncovers his mouth while making a monotone noise. He recently was hitting his mouth so hard he knocked himself over. He's also learning how to climb and slide and within about 2 weeks he has MASTERED IT. Climbing up and down the ladder. Climbing up the slide. Sliding face first, feet first, backwards feet first. It's funny every time I watch him. He is testing every boundary these days and he KNOWS what is and isn't allowed. He likes to make a dart for what ISN'T allowed whenever I am cooking and not paying full attention. Smart kid.

On a final note- you can keep us in your thoughts. I am bringing home a puppy tomorrow. I know. We are crazy. Embrace it folks. Lilly Sharp joins this family in less than 24 hours! She's a lab hound mix and we are all in love with her. I'll keep you posted on how that goes!

Thats all for now! More next week on the big first birthday! Can't wait!

1 Month away from a ONE YEAR OLD!

I'm not honestly sure when the last time I blogged was, but I know its been awhile. Life in general has felt exhausting and busy. There have been many, MANY good days. But there have been just as many hard and frustrating days. We had ONE glimmer of hope when Bekham slept through the night (8pm-6am). Then it never happened again. Just last night he was literally up every 2 hours. No exaggeration. 11:30, 1:30, 3:30, 5:30, 7. It was insane. The night before that I only slept a total of 2 hours so I really didn't have the stamina to keep up with the kid last night. Thankfully God knew that and let it happen on a weekend when I could have Nick's help. We alternated every waking during the night.

But that's not the stuff you want to read about now is it? Unless you have a baby who isn't sleeping. And in that case- rest assured- I have an 11 MONTH old that isn't sleeping (cough cough AMANDA!) Misery loves company. So know that you have company if you are awake in the middle of the night. Join me in Words With Friends or Dice with Buddies :)

Lots, and I mean LOTS has happened in month 10-11. We are walking. We have been to the beach. We have been to the pumpkin patch. We have given our Halloween Costume a test drive. Okay okay.. a couple pictures just to prove it!

At Lifetime Fitness Halloween Party!

Nothing like the beaches in Destin!

Just hunting for pumpkins!

Bekham is at a wonderful phase in his little life. He is so fun right now. Into everything, YES. Throwing tantrums, YES. Clingy, YES. Chronically sleep deprived, YES. Injury prone, YES.

BUT

Laughs with abandon, YES. Rough houses with me, YES. Walks to me with arms outstretched, YES. Lays his head on my shoulder when he needs a little rest, YES. Bangs any two items he can find together and make noise, YES. Laugh at himself, YES. Eat, and enjoy, new foods, YES.

We have so much fun together. His absolute favorite things right now are to

1. Be outside
2. "Woof" when he hears dogs
3. "Roar" when he sees his Grammie or Grampie to get their attention

If Bekham had a crib outside, I'm pretty sure he'd sleep through the night. I'm not exaggerating. I should have tried it while we were at the beach with an enclosed balcony! It's absolutely insane to me that in about a month, I really can't call my sweet boy a baby anymore. He is growing up, but entirely too fast. He's toddling... so I guess that qualifies him as a toddler. It's a transition that is great in so many ways, but that my heart grieves in other ways. The days of just holding him while he sleeps are few and far between. The days of me being his primary source of life (nutrition) are coming to a close. All good things, but all things that pull at my heart. How do parents send their kids off to college?? I was talking to a friend of mine who said she loves her little boy so much it hurts. And thats so true. Sometimes it physically does hurt to not be able to fully express my love towards Bekham. He would be irritated if I kissed him and hugged him and held him every moment I wanted him to know how much I love him. But my heart just overflows for this kid. Thank you Lord for this blessing.

Something I learned at my Bible Study yesterday was that, "I am not a perfect mom. But I'm the perfect mom for Bekham (or perfectly suited for Bekham.)" God ordained all of my days before I was born. And Bekham was written into those days long before he came to be. It was so great to truly rest in the promise that no one could be a better mom to Bekham than I could. Yes I will make mistakes and no I'll never be the perfect mom, but God planned the relationships between us and no one was better suited that me. I so needed this encouragement. Its easy to look left and right and think that someone else is doing a better job. Instead I need to shift my focus UP and know that God has fully equipped me to do this job as long as I am daily seeking Him and asking for His wisdom in each and every situation.

The countdown is on. 31 days until I am the mother of a 1 year old. Time, please slow down!

Bekham's Baby Dedication

Today was a great day. We got to spend an afternoon with family and friends at Bekham's Baby Dedication. It was a very laid back event, however, the significance and memories made, as my mom would say, made it special for us.

 Before dedicating your baby at North Point, there are some messages they ask you to listen to and some homework they request that you complete prior to the event. One of the homework assignments was to write a letter to your child- I've included it below. Pretty short and sweet, but Bekham can always refer to this blog if he wants to :)

Another one of our homework assignments was based on the idea of intentional parenting. Our kids are going to learn by our actions, not our words. I can tell Bekham all day that God wants us to be generous with our money, but if he doesn't see me modeling that, my words are meaningless. So, the task at hand was to chose 5 values that you want to prioritize in your home. We chose generosity, ambition, love, responsibility, and respect. The second part of the assignment was to chose 2 habits that you would implement in your daily routines that would put these values in action. Our first habit was to always ask each member of the family, "What can I do to help?" Parents ask kids. Kids ask parents. Kids ask kids. Our family is a team. Our hope is that they would learn to be generous with their time and resources by asking this question and following through. We also hope this will teach love. Love moves- its a verb. This was something I don't think I always fully understood. We also plan to assign household chores/responsibilities that are age appropriate to also teach responsibility as well as respect for our leadership in their lives.

I'm sure more ideas will come up, but the point is- be intentional. Choose ways to model our values to our children.

The really neat thing about sharing these with our family was that they in turn shared some scripture with us! My sister-in-law Shannon shared the verse she and her husband chose as parents (which is actually the entire chapter of Psalm 78). She talked about how we are called to pass on the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord to the next generation, just as they were passed on to us. She also gave us the idea to create a habit of doing a family devotional each morning. (Our children will learn to open their Bible if they see us in the Word every day as well). Simple, and yet so true.

My other sister-in-law, Rachel, shared Isaiah 44:3 which says, "For I will pour water upon him that is thirsty, and floods upon the dry ground: I will pour my spirit upon thy seed, and my blessing upon thine offspring." What she has been learning from this verse is that she wants everything that comes out of her to be Christ. So that when she speaks- her children see Christ. That the wellspring within her would just overflow to her seed (her children) and that it would bless them. 

My mom shared Ephesians 1:17-19 with us which was neat. Part of the verse was for us as parents, and part of the verse was for Bekham. "[Nick and Aly]I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. [Bekham] I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe."

Aren't we blessed with such wise family? I'm so thankful for them!!

Kelsie, Grampie, Grammie, Mom, Dad, Aunt Rach, Aunt Shay Shay, Uncle Bry

The verse Nick and I chose to guide us on the journey of parenthood is Proverbs 22:6, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." 

Bekham was given a storybook Bible from North Point. My Mom gave him a sweet book as well as 2 parenting books for me to get started on (Bringing Up Boys and Parenting with Grace and Truth). My best friend Kelsie gave him a Bedtime Prayer Book which is absolutely precious. His Mimi gave him a sweet green and brown cross that has already been hanging in his room for about a week. 

Bekham's first Bible

And this is the letter I wrote to Bekham. It's already crazy looking back on it only a month later! Oh how things have changed (mainly his sleep). Are you on the edge of your seat? Wait for the 10 month post that is coming this week!

(8/17/2012)
My sweet Bekham,

As I write this, you are sound asleep upstairs. This rarely happens. You just don't like to sleep sweet boy. Maybe you just don't want to miss out on anything going on in your little world! You are already 9 months old- how can this be? You have been such a blessing to your daddy and me. We prayed for you long before you began growing in my belly! And now you are here, you are a miracle. As you can imagine, we still pray for you daily. For your health, for your safety, and for your growth. But we are also praying that you will come to know Jesus and have a relationship with him from a very young age. It is the most important decision your father and I have made and it will be the most important decision you could ever make as well.

There is so much I could say to you. What I hope and dream for you. What I want your childhood to be like. Who I want you to marry someday. All of that is fun, and even important, but no matter what your future holds, please always know and claim these truths:

1. God loves you. He loves you fully and completely. Nothing that you do or don't do could change that.
2. We love you unconditionally and delight in who you are. Nothing that you do or don't do could change that.

As long as we live- your daddy and I will always be here for you. We will laugh with you. We will cheer for you. We will cry with you. We will support you in whatever you choose to do. You should know however, daddy hopes you will play golf or baseball. I bet you and your dad will golf together quite often. Just always promise me you will come home to Mom for a good home-cooked dinner when you guys finish up!

Bekham, we are going to make mistakes (which you will probably agree with by the time you read this!) We are going to disappoint you. We are going to frustrate you.  BUT! Anything, and everything we do is with your best interest at heart and because we love you! We trust that God will use us to model a good marriage to you, to model what it looks like to serve and honor Him, and use us to raise you and train you up in Him.

Dream big son. Never give up on your dreams. Have confidence in yourself because God created you and He makes no mistakes. I pray you have big and great faith. I know God has huge plans for your life. Be open to where he calls you and where he leads you!

I love you now and I'll love you forever!

Mom

You are loved sweet boy!

My 9 Month Man!

Well, the little baby that grew inside of me for 9 months, has now been growing and developing outside of me for 9 moths. The leaps and bounds he has taken since birth is just as amazing to me as his conception and growth inside of my womb. Watching him learn, try new foods, crawl, stand, try to walk, chatter... it's all just astounding. Watching him laugh, smile and come into his own is a joy. We are finally moving away from the inconsolable baby phase and into the stage of self-play and discovery. It's magical. He's my little explorer and I love it! What is most exciting to a 9 month old? Toilet lids. Toilet paper rolls. Magazines he can rip apart. Calculators. Remote Controls. Blinds. Drawers. Cabinets. Notice NONE of those describe a baby toy. He is totally amused by all things REAL LIFE. Not plastic.

Coffee mugs

Computer Cords

Paper on doctor's table

Bekham is learning how to crawl up the stairs. Not like most babies. He does not put a knee down on the step, the WHOLE foot goes up. This kid already has some serious quad muscles! He just started saying "da" and "ga." No "ma" yet but I know when he says it,  he will know exactly what he's saying! He LOVE meat. Salmon, flounder, beef, and chicken are all in his repertoire! And not out of a baby food jar. He wants the real thing off of mom's plate. He recently started eating cereal. Not baby cereal. Cheerios and milk. He prefers that I feed him his cereal with an adult spoon. No baby spoons allowed. He loves peaches, kiwi, and cheese right now (all kinds). He LOVES grammie's bread. He is just a whole load of fun these days.

He travels nicely in his car seat (thank you Lord!) We go to a mom's Bible Study now and he does okay in the nursery. I have been called out every time so far, but I'm hopeful this won't be the trend forever! He does WONDERFUL in Church nursery (Waumba Land). He is just changing every single day!

His favorite thing to do is walk back and forth and push his walker around. He also prefers to chase balls around the kitchen floor. Round. And round. And round. Until they get stuck under the couch.

9 months sure is fun. I cannot believe we are 3 short months away from a year old already! He has leveled out a little bit on his growth. He currently weighs 19.9 pounds (just under 50th percentile) and measure 29.5 inches long (75th percentile). We personally think he is just the perfect size! Our new family tradition at night is to rough him up on the bed. He goes NUTS! May be hard to teach him that we DON'T jump on the bed when he's older. Hmmm....

A Sleep Update... and More.

Did I leave you hanging or what!? First, let me say thank you for all of the prayers and support many of you offered us as we tried our first attempt at sleep training Bekham. Unfortunately I am here to report it was not successful. All was going well for a couple days- better than expected actually, and then he started crying longer and in a more panicked way than he ever had previously. We also got out of sync as we had to go to Church and then out to lunch and he had no sleep since he had woken up that morning at 7. When we finally got home he was miserable and I just wanted to hold him and rock him to sleep. He also started cutting his front 2 teeth. All of this culminated to the point where I couldn't handle the crying/screaming as it was going anywhere from 1-2 hours with no sleep at the end of it. We would just get him up, feed him, and then he would take a short nap while eating and be beside himself the rest of his "awake time." I do know that it can get worse before it gets better. I do know that I didn't give it "Long enough." And I do know that he eventually would stop pulling up on the crib and just collapse if I let him go long enough, but neither Nick nor I could keep up the fight.

On the flip side- he no longer requires that we bounce him on an excerise ball. I don't even have to rock him. I just give him his blankie and a pacifier and he is out in my arms in about a minute or less. So the routine of putting him down has drastically decreased. The naps are short again which really bums me out. However- the success story here is that he is no longer swaddled. At night time he is still eating 2-3 times a night. It's wearing on me but I am going to let this happen for another 3-4 months. Nick and I decided to give sleep training another try in November when Nick would be off work for the holiday and could help out more without being exhausted at work the next day.

So thats the update on sleep training. In other news, my cousin and his girlfriend were able to travel down for a long weekend and visit. I SO wish they lived closer. I find myself saying this EVERY time I see family. I just hate that the people I love most and want to share life with are so very far away from me and now my little boy. Bekham loved Alex and Leslie. We didn't do much besides hang out and eat :) But it was a great weekend nonetheless. We also have finally gotten back into the routine of going to Church for the first time since we were plagued with hand foot and mouth. It was refreshing. This Sunday we go to our orientation for Bekham's baby dedication which I TOTALLY spaced out somehow. Bekham is crawling and pulling up on everything in sight. He's pretty sturdy but I know the bumps and falls are inevitable at this time. Its still a fun stage. He is just so very proud of himself every time he stands up on his own. The kid could stand unassisted if he wanted to, but he hasn't quite figured that out yet! I'm guessing we will have a walker by his first birthday!

More good news, Bekham is eating EVERYTHING in sight (as long as I am eating it too.) He hasn't thrown up anything recently. Our last episode was with spicy hummus. My bad. He loves my mom's homemade bread. He loves cheese. He loves cheerios. He loves apples. He loves squash. He loves sweet potatoes. Note: none of this in baby food form. He prefers chunks of real food. He LOVES yogurt. If mama is eating it, Bekham feels the need to be eating it as well :)

Well, that's all I have time for as my cat napper is already awake (after 30 minutes!)

Sleep Training and My Heart is Breaking

I have one purpose for this blog and only one. DISTRACTION. Bekham has shown me some signs of readiness for sleep training. He refuses to let me rock him, bounce him, sway him to sleep. He started refusing swaddle and pacifier (which was always the magic touch). He started waking up some nights every 45 minutes and was inconsolable to go back to sleep where as he usually would just nurse to sleep. So, unfortunately, and against my will and better judgement, I have decided to let him cry himself to sleep. My heart is physically hurting and in pain as I currently listen to him scream upstairs. This is the fourth go. Last night went pretty well with almost NO full fledge screaming. Today's first nap took 50 minutes of crying/whimpering/fussing before he passed out bent over from sitting up. The second nap took 30 minutes (more screaming involved in this one), same sleep position. Unfortunately, both of those naps only ended up being about 40 minutes each so he is absolutely exhausted. So, here we are, shooting for one more little nap before bed time. 15 minutes in and this one is the worst of the 4. He is standing up on crib and just wailing. It is against every instinct I have not to rush up there and scoop him up. But the worst thing is- if i do that- he doesn't settle down or fall asleep. So its really lose-lose. Either I get frustrated and clawed to death in the process of holding him, or physically feel my heart break while he screams upstairs all by himself.

Everyone says this is the way to go. I'm not convinced yet. I'll give it 5 days. And not one day more. Maybe I'll have a success story to post by then, and maybe not. I'm just so sad for him and sad for me. Sad that the days of rocking and holding my sleeping baby are over. Sad that he wakes up now screaming and scared instead of cooing and happy. I'm praying this is whats best for him. I do know with 100% certainty it is not a selfish decision for me. I'm not trying to get more "me-time," or more sleep, or more freedom. Selfishly, I want to be up there with him. I'm trying to view this as a sacrifice for his good and as one of the first hard parenting decisions of many to come.

I. HATE. THIS.