Nearing 40 Weeks and Feeling Frustrated

Well, before I begin the mini vent session, I need to start from the beginnin of last week...

Last Tuesday, I had just gotten back from the doctor's office and had my first official "exam." I just need to brag on Diane Tandy, the midwife at Gifts from Grace. I told her I was terrified of this exam and had heard horror stories of the pain. She reassured me that there was no reason for the exam to be painful. She told me to squeeze her finger if it was hurting me. Let me tell you, my grip on her finger was as relaxed as if I were falling asleep. This woman is a God-send. She explained everything she was doing the entire time and I was never the least bit uncomfortable. I am so thankful for this woman! She told me I was about 2cm dilated, my cervix is 90% effaced and the baby's head is at zero station! All positive progress where I'm concerned! She said she would be "seeing me soon" and didn't necessarily mean at my next appointment! I know that things can stay the same for a week, or more, and it's probably very likely I'll be back in the office this week still waiting for this baby, but, it's good to know that my body is preparing. It makes induction seem like a non-issue at this point, which is also an answer to prayer!

HOWEVER, here it is Monday, November 20th, a mere 5 days away from D-day. (Due Day). Frustration has set in and I feel like this baby is never going to come on his own. I've had maybe a total of 5 painful contractions, none of them severe enough to even think maybe we are close to labor. Braxton Hicks are going non-stop, but they are just never painful. I just stare at my belly and say JUST HURT ALREADY! That doesn't work. I'm sure you were all wondering. I've told this baby day after day that he can come and we are ready for him. He either doesn't understand me (100% possible) or is just that stubborn. I have been praying earnestly for the past 2 weeks (once we safely reached full term) that "today would be the day." Those prayers obviously haven't been answered. I've asked God for just one good contraction that would let me know my body is going to be able to deliver this baby at some point. No luck. I know I cannot push my plans or my will on God's will and I'm really not trying to. It's more of a plea that "today would be the day God wants to bring him." So far my plea has yet to align with God's will. After going to Church on Sunday, I was reminded that everything about my life and everything that goes on in my life is for God's glory. Not my own. I am merely reflecting the God of the universe. If I were to really try to plan my own due date and take credit for doing so, would that be bringing Him any glory at all? No. But at the same time, I just feel like I am praying to no one. I feel no peace or comfort in this time of waiting. 2 of my friends had their babies this weekend which just makes my wait even more difficult. I just want to hold this baby in my arms, not waddle around with him in my belly.

Alright. Enough. I'm going to move on. However, I needed to get the true "emotion" out in order to really move past the issue. Lord give me patience.

The rest of the week was great. Friday night we went to dinner with my whole family which was a nice treat. We hardly see my brother and sister-in-law, so it was nice to have an evening out with them! Saturday I did get my nails done AGAIN. Just in case THIS is the week I need pretty feet. Then Nick and I had a date afternoon and went to a matinee and then dinner. Then came Sunday. One of the highlights of the week/weekend. I love Christmas. A whole lot. But when it comes to food, Thanksgiving holds my heart. Well... my family's recipes hold my heart. I can eat like a man on this holiday and Sunday was it for us this year! Again, my whole family was there and it was such a blessing. Jackson asked me at one point, "When are you gonna take your baby out? After dinner?" I wish. If only Jackson were a visionary. Although, we all know he thought Bekham/Fenwick was a girl, so I never held out hope he was seeing the future!

I said Sunday was one of the highlights of my week. Another was when my husband surprised me early with my "push gift." Some of you may wonder why he did this early, but, I will explain. It's a camera/recorder that I will obviously need to have handy in the delivery room, but it is a nice camera! Oh I love it! Nick loves it too. I think he's more excited to use it than I am!! Good thing.. he'll be the photographer when baby B makes his appearance.

Well- that's all for now. I am going to update this post with pictures later on today, but, I haven't transferred them from the camera to my computer quite yet! If you are reading this, please join me in praying for this boy to make his arrival this week. In all seriousness, I am to the point of tears each morning I wake up and have no signs of labor. I don't know why I am so affected by this right now, but I am, so any and all prayers for my sanity and this baby's birthday are much appreciated!

And Bekham, you've heard this a million times from me, but COME ON OUT! We are ready and waiting! Love you, and hope to see you soon! -Mom